Mormon Channel Blog

10 Reasons You're Not Dating

June 10, 2017

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by Alisa Goodwin Snell

In a worldwide church that focuses on families, it can be hard to be single and either not dating or struggling to obtain relationships. Some singles aren’t bothered by these thing. Others feel discouraged, especially when they put in effort and results don't come quickly—or at all.

Having spent more than 17 years as a marriage and family therapist and a decade as dating coach, I've identified ten common reasons singles aren't dating or obtaining relationships. Although these reasons may seem obvious to some, I recognize that for others they can be painful to hear. Nevertheless, the truth can be freeing and give hope.

Consider dating and relationships to be a result of skills developed through practice. It can be easier to accept this if you first believe that it's not you, it's your technique, that is the problem. You can get different results if you know what to improve on.

10 reasons you're not dating or getting into relationships:

1. You’re not pursuing the people you really want to date. Instead of taking action and flirting or pursuing a conversation or telephone number, you’re letting your fears get in the way and stop you.

2. You lack knowledge about what to do or say to get more attention and dates.

3. You’re not taking action or going places where you might meet other singles.

4. You’re acting passive in dating so the relationships you get into you’re not passionate about and you feel consumed with doubts or worries about settling.

5. You’re waiting for the best option to appear and wandering from one relationship to another, wondering about what could be around the corner.

6. You’re trying to date people who are more attractive and accomplished than you are so you’re experiencing frequent rejection.

7. You’re making excuses and engaging in thinking errors that are driving others away and making you feel hopeless.

8. You feel inadequate or insecure and so you doubt that you can get or deserve more from your relationships.

9. You keep dating the "bad boy" or "toxic girl," wasting your time giving the best of you to those who don’t invest in you.

10. You don’t realize that you’re misreading social interaction and as such triggering rejection.

Although these ten issues portray what you may be doing wrong, they also suggest what you can do to change your situation. There is always hope, especially when you are willing to look at yourself and make a change.

How do you hope to change? What advice do you have for others who are trying to improve in dating and relationships? Leave a comment below.

Alisa Goodwin Snell spent 17 years as a marriage and family therapist before becoming a dating and relationship coach. She’s written several books for singles, been on over 100 TV and radio programs nationwide, and is a sought out public speaker. She has helped hundreds of single date and get married.

Read more from Alisa in these articles featured on Mormon Channel:

Single? Find What you Want by Letting Go

Should you Stay or Should You Go?

Finding the Faith to Love and Be Loved

The Hidden Cause of Rejection in Dating

4 Reasons You're Not Progressing in Dating or Relationships

3 Ways to Make Others Feel Great

Dating: How to Fight the Comparison Trap